{"id":105,"date":"2006-02-21T17:52:00","date_gmt":"2006-02-21T17:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sbw.webfactional.com\/blog\/?p=105"},"modified":"2006-02-21T17:52:00","modified_gmt":"2006-02-21T17:52:00","slug":"what-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/2006\/02\/what-now\/","title":{"rendered":"what now?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So, umm, yeah, what happens now?  How do I learn to lean into this, this new relationship in my life?  How do I learn to trust, to quiet down, to not wonder almost every minute if I&#8217;m going to screw this up?  How do I find that elusive ease that characterized the time I spent with him before I realized how much I liked him?  With all the damage done to me, how do I not question him?  How do I stay secure when he&#8217;s distant or tired?  Rather, how do I stay secure in a healthy way, rather than asserting (in my mind) that I don&#8217;t need him, that he could walk away tomorrow and I&#8217;d be fine?  I seem to have two states of being in relationships: 1) everything is great and wonderful and unbelievable and 2) I don&#8217;t f*cking need you.  I seem to be lacking the nuance that I&#8217;m sure is in between.<\/p>\n<p>Most of the time I&#8217;m fine, most of the time I spend with him is truly wonderful.  But every now and then it&#8217;s as if someone knocked my legs out from under me, like a powerful blast of worry, like, how could I POSSIBLY think this is going to work.<\/p>\n<p>This is all so new to me.  And these growing pains of learning to trust threaten to topple the balance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So, umm, yeah, what happens now? How do I learn to lean into this, this new relationship in my life? How do I learn to trust, to quiet down, to not wonder almost every minute if I&#8217;m going to screw this up? How do I find that elusive ease that characterized the time I spent [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-105","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=105"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=105"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=105"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}