{"id":13,"date":"2008-08-04T19:58:00","date_gmt":"2008-08-04T19:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sbw.webfactional.com\/blog\/?p=13"},"modified":"2008-08-04T19:58:00","modified_gmt":"2008-08-04T19:58:00","slug":"on-having-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/2008\/08\/on-having-children\/","title":{"rendered":"on having children"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I turned 36 not too long ago, and my life is shifting in a way that makes the idea of having children a real possibility in the next couple of years. \u00a0Well, I should say, that that idea of <span class=\"Apple-style-span\" style=\"font-style: italic;\">trying<\/span>\u00a0to have children is a real possibility. \u00a0So many people I know and love are struggling with this right now, so all I can do is hope that when the time comes, my ovaries and uterus and his lil&#8217; swimmers all cooperate, play nice, and aren&#8217;t too aged. \u00a0But that may be the topic of another series of blogs, quite some time from now.<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Now, all I can think about is: what is it going to be like? \u00a0What is it going to be like giving up my fierce individuality and particularity (which entails everything to how I load the forks in the dishwasher to how I&#8217;m not accustomed to a partner of any kind) when first I enter into a relationship, and then when I (ye gods willing) bring forth another human into this world? How will I negotiate all of it? \u00a0I really don&#8217;t know. \u00a0I&#8217;m very curious. \u00a0But I&#8217;m also terrified.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>First of all, I&#8217;m the youngest of five, so, it may be possible that I&#8217;ve never, I repeat, NEVER, changed a diaper. \u00a0I wasn&#8217;t one who wanted to babysit kids when I was younger and looking for work in the neighborhood; instead, I was the cat-sitter and dog walker. \u00a0Cats and dogs I understand. \u00a0But, um, a kid? \u00a0Lucy and Barnaby may be the first babies I held since Sean Patrick and Lucas were born, lo over 20 years ago. \u00a0And now I&#8217;m somehow supposed to figure out how to hold one, and feed it and care for it and know how to make it feel better ALL THE TIME? \u00a0I really don&#8217;t know how much of this is encoded in the female DNA. \u00a0I think most of it is learned, and I really haven&#8217;t had the chance.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I taught myself to cook through books and questions. \u00a0I taught myself to run a non-profit the same way. \u00a0I taught myself Excel by wandering through it for hours on end (and then asking my staff to make my spreadsheets do what I want them to do when I get frustrated). \u00a0I don&#8217;t think that&#8217;s exactly going to work with a baby. \u00a0<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I feel really comfortable- and really competent- with infants, and with 20-year-olds. \u00a0What am I supposed to say for the other 19 years? \u00a0<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>What&#8217;s it going to be like if I&#8217;m lucky enough to get pregnant? \u00a0How will I deal with the additional body issues? \u00a0My mom says that the butterfly tattoo on my belly will look like a pterodactyl. \u00a0That would be awesome. \u00a0But. \u00a0How will I not be scared all the time? \u00a0What will it mean for my career? \u00a0What if I have a baby and then never, ever want to work again? \u00a0What if I have a baby and can&#8217;t wait to get back to work? What if I have TWINS?!<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>The thing is, I have no idea what it&#8217;s going to be like. \u00a0I already feel woefully unprepared, terrified that between my inexperience and linear, particular ways, I might be a crappy mom.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>But, maybe not. \u00a0Maybe not. \u00a0And the thing is, next to marrying the man I love, there is nothing that excites me more than the idea of giving it a shot. \u00a0<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I turned 36 not too long ago, and my life is shifting in a way that makes the idea of having children a real possibility in the next couple of years. \u00a0Well, I should say, that that idea of trying\u00a0to have children is a real possibility. \u00a0So many people I know and love are struggling [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}