Yesterday morning, my sister-in-law Melissa flew into La Guardia at 11 AM from Iowa City, Iowa. She was here for just under 24 hours, and she helped me peel eggs for the devileds I was making for Jordi\u2019s bridal shower. Mom, Melissa and I drove to Long Island with a precarious plate of eggs and not nearly as much time as I\u2019d like to have with two such amazing women.<\/p>\n
Melissa was the first courageous soul to brave the Williams family. She was our babysitter, our friend, the infuser of nuttiness and humor into our lives, whose crazy curls float through most of my childhood memories. Even when I was only a few years old, I sensed that she was the lifeline that would keep my brother Kent- my eldest, most bizarre, funniest, strangest brother, largely because he was a teenager when I was a toddler- tied to the rest of us. My family was always on the verge of violently splintering- another thing I sensed very early- and Kent seemed ready to break free. He was the cool kid, the one with the guitars in his room and a book full of his poetry and drawings, and he didn\u2019t seem to fit within the parameters of everyday life. He was, he is, extraordinary, and I thought it would drive him away. Melissa, to my young eyes, was his touchstone.<\/p>\n
I have memories of their wedding. I believe it was 1980- I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be corrected if I\u2019m wrong- which made me 8 years old. I loved my ruffley outfit because it was roomy and I could still run and play even though it was a dress (yeech!). I have a vague recollection of the outside of the… church? Sean and I swinging on some bars that lined the walkway. And then I remember the reception, walking around on my own, getting probably my first taste of what it\u2019s like to be near but not with the people you love.<\/p>\n
That was 24 years ago. That\u2019s insane. And what I am realizing is that now I\u2019m an adult, on my own, with a full life and the world before me, I can actually change things, make choices, do something about the things that make me sad. What is making me sad right now is that I haven\u2019t spent more time with my sister Melissa. It makes me sad that my sister Tessa wasn\u2019t at the shower with my sisters Melissa and Jordana. It makes me sad that my stepmom Carole wasn\u2019t at the shower with my sisters and my mom. For so long, for so incredibly long, it was just my mom and me. No complaints there- my mom sent me on the path of freedom, openheartedness, goodness, and movement. But now there are all of these other wonderful women that we can call family and I guess that is the call I would like to shout out. We can do this, we can be a family. We can all be together when Jordana has a shower, we can get together to fly Melissa out for a long weekend, we can all meet in Chicago or Puerto Rico or in one of our homes.<\/p>\n
If my parents have reached a point, if I have reached a point where I go to see Ian\u2019s and Tessa\u2019s plays and I SIT BETWEEN MY MOM AND DAD and NO ONE EVEN MENTIONS IT then we can do anything. I\u2019m so proud of my parents, so proud of them talking to one another, so proud to see Carole and my mom chatting about, I don\u2019t know, wedding dresses and bone density. I\u2019m so proud of my father for saving my mom and me seats at the show, and so fucking lucky that we\u2019ve reached a point where I didn\u2019t have to decide with whom to sit.<\/p>\n
But, really, it\u2019s the bare bones of a beginning and that is it. My dress for the wedding feels tight to me, so I\u2019m freaking out about getting it altered, because I know if I feel fat at the wedding than that is will be my one and only focus. This wedding is not about me, so I have to get the dress altered or I will lost in my own misery. It\u2019s not an option. I have to get it altered. I suppose that is what I\u2019m asking. Can we not all alter ourselves, just a little, and god knows me included, so we feel able to be at each other\u2019s service? Tessa, this past Christmas, knew how important it was for her to be represented at Christmas rather than be simply inundated by the Williams clan. That is a huge beginning. That was altering the situation so she could welcome us into her home (for the third? fourth? year in a row). I\u2019m so proud and honored that Melissa flew here for less than a day, who altered her situation so she could be here for the shower even though she just finished nursing a dying friend. That is commitment, that is family, and it is inspiring. So incredibly inspiring.<\/p>\n
What it comes down to, though, is that all of this alteration, all of this giving and caring and loving that I struggle to master is what comes naturally to Sean\u2019s bride-to-be. I see Sean wanting to be a great man because of Jordana, and in my opinion, greatly succeeding, but what they may not know is that Jordana makes me want to be a better sister, daughter, and friend. Jordana\u2019s reflex is to reach out, to lift up, to love. We are so lucky, so blessed, that this wonderful woman is joining our tribe. Hers is the love that inspired Shakespeare, the one that does not alter when it alteration finds. And I hope we all live lives that deserve her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday morning, my sister-in-law Melissa flew into La Guardia at 11 AM from Iowa City, Iowa. She was here for just under 24 hours, and she helped me peel eggs for the devileds I was making for Jordi\u2019s bridal shower. Mom, Melissa and I drove to Long Island with a precarious plate of eggs and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-243","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/243","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=243"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/243\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=243"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=243"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mlwms.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=243"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}