Posted March 3rd, 2003 by Michelle

I live my life in little pockets of hope. It may be an audition, an idea of a new job, a bit of writing, but whatever it is, it colors every minute of my day. Until, that is, the audition goes badly, the job doesn’t work out, the pitch is never answered. And yet I somehow do not lose hope. I guess that’s the amazing, or ridiculous thing. I’m sad for a few days afterwards but then I stumble upon something that re-awakens the hope. For all of two days I was thinking that I might be able to leave the floor of my restaurant, to work in the newly-forming HR department, but my meeting with the GM today left me with little hope. It’s possible, but it’s way in the future. Same thing happens with each big audition. I keep thinking “ah-HA! This is IT! THIS is what is going to change my LIFE!” And yet my life rolls on, not too much different than the day before.

I’m trying to believe my yoga teacher. Trying to believe that I need to work towards acceptance and contentment. But I just don’t think it’s in my blood.