Posted March 28th, 2003 by Michelle

Once upon a time I had no idea what a hemorrhoid was. I certainly had never heard of a thrombosed external hemorrhoid. And now, twice in my long, blessed life, I’ve had a first-hand lesson on literal pains in the ass. I woke up this morning with a terrible but familiar pain in one of those regions you generally like to ignore. I worked all day and then rather than meeting my friends for a drink, I headed over to the local ER. I waited for two hours, during which I finished a book and fell fast asleep, and then stumbled over to the reception desk to try to get an idea how many people were in front of me. Seven. The nurse said it could be several hours.

So I came on home. I called into work and said I wouldn’t be there tomorrow, because now I remember what happened last time. I don’t want to give you too many gory details but it involved lying on my side, naked, with my butt in the faces of people holding scalpels and needles, both of which found their way into my bum. And… well… they have to drain it… and then sew it up… and it has to heal… and oh, boy, am I looking forward to my day at the hospital!

The last thing I can afford is missing a day at work, particularly a Saturday. But I don’t really have much choice. Geeze. I’d even rather go to the dentist.