Posted March 14th, 2003 by Michelle

I don’t know if it’s the day of the week, or the phase of the moon, or the cycle of my menses, or the fact that it’s my first day off since… last Friday, but I am having a terrific day. Even the fact that the temperature is hovering around freezing isn’t getting me down. It might also have to do with the fact that I slept twelve hours last night, and also that my apartment is clean. I just took a little walk around my hood, and the sun is bright and promising. The one thing that assures me that I will leave this apartment at the end of my lease is that I get absolutely no direct sunlight. I don’t know exactly which way I face but the sun never touches even the bars that protrude from my windows. So even with my high ceilings, it is always a little dim. It also means that my window boxes can only be shade-loving plants. Hmmm. No basil.

I had my first and only training shift on the bar yesterday. It was fun, because it was a change, and because my beloved friend B (as we call her, that or Ms. B) was the one training me. She is about to start school to be a yoga teacher, and is in the throes of a new love, so we haven’t had much time to hang out. And even though we were working the whole time, just being near her was lovely.

Right after work I grabbed a bite to eat at the bar (porcini gnocchi, creamy polenta, broccoli rabe, oh my god) and then sped off to my first real appointment with my analyst. And I have to say, I didn’t like it much. I didn’t really want to be there, I didn’t feel like talking to her, I didn’t feel, really, one way or another about the whole session. Halfway through, I realized that I didn’t want to come back. I don’t feel compelled to speak to her. It was really different than the first time we chatted. I am trying to talk myself into giving it one more chance, but I think I am going to look around for someone else. My friend who recommended her thought she was brilliant, and perhaps she is. But if I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just not going to work.

I’m going to continue cleaning my apartment, give my bike a loving wipe-down, and perhaps clean out the inbox of my mind as well. I had sort of a revolutionary conversation with my lover, but it’s one I need to sort out on my own before I write about it. Suffice to say, today, I’m at peace.

Tomorrow, my beautiful bike and I are going to have our first long ride. I’m so very, very excited. Yahoo!