Posted September 9th, 2003 by Michelle

I accomplished exactly nothing today other than having some strange and painful things done to my nether regions. I don’t recommend a colposcopy or biopsy if you are looking for a good time. It was fast, thankfully, but left me down for the count for the rest of the day. Wanna know what it’s like? Read ahead.

It starts with, of course, getting in the stirrups, but then there is something you don’t expect: vinegar. Cold, stinging vinegar sprayed all over where the aforementioned sun doesn’t shine. That is what shows the bad stuff. And then, the usual speculum, but then… then they take tissue samples and THEN your doctor says there is a suspicious-looking patch on your cervix, and then she takes the biopsy… a pulling sting of your deepest insides. After that, they have to put some goop on your insides so you will stop bleeding, and warn of “passing” it and not to be alarmed if it is black.

And then, quickly, it is over, and you lay alone on the little bed trying not to cry or pass out. But when you finally do go out, your brother is there waiting to take you for a veggie burger. And after that, you can go to your other brother’s apartment and watch cable all day and all night without feeling guilty.

Except when the 9/11 specials come on the tele. I have no feelings of guilt associated with it, but I’m unable to drool and fall half asleep like I can when I’m watching “John Q” or “Signs” on cable. The show we watched tonight was beautifully done, but I don’t know how much I need to relive those days. I find some peace in the stories of the people who were in the buildings and lived to tell about it, but I don’t think I need to watch the towers fall again. I saw it the first time, and then had to watch it a hundred times on TV to believe what I saw live, but I believe it now. I don’t know what I’m doing Thursday and I don’t know what I want to do. It’s going to be another beautiful day, just like it was two years ago.

A week from Thursday I’ll know if I have to have surgery on my cervix, depending on the results from the biopsy. Fun, fun, fun.