Posted September 1st, 2003 by Michelle

Ian, Tess, Kellie, Laurie, and I went shopping today. It started as “antiquing” in Hudson- a practice not appealing to me at all, but something I forget until I’m in the middle of it- but then we headed to a ginormous supermarket to really spend some money. My New York family already has a plan in place in case of some major bad event in the city. What we also now have is enough food and supplies to last us for weeks in case there is no access to public goods and services. Tessa downloaded a list from redcross.org that listed the best foods and goods to have on hand in case of an emergency, and the five of us explored both the supermarket and a Target, lists in hand, until we had everything we thought we needed for now. Of course we also got chocolate syrup and chips and snacks, which we dubbed the “fun” food. Most likely it will also be the food that mysteriously disappears when more than one person sleeps over (and if the chocolate syrup has already made its way to the kitchen, well, don’t look at me).

It was actually an exhausting day, and maybe not exactly how I would have chosen to spend Labor Day, but it was necessary and at least I had a small part in making it happen. This will be my refuge, both in emergency and also when I have a weekend off, and I am willing to do whatever Ian and Tess need, to work for my welcome.

I’m still trying to figure out this whole quitting my job thing. When I’ve been away, for a long weekend or a summer, I haven’t missed it, and I think that will carry through. It’s scary. However, there is a list of things that this new job, or rather, leaving the last one, might make possible.

Speaking of lists, I’ve decided to make one of the things I want to accomplish in the near (relative) future, in no particular order. Some are more important than others, but I feel all of them are attainable. Well, maybe. I’m just making this list up. I’ll see how I feel at the end.

1) Create a writing space in my apartment, with an inviting desk, great chair, in front of one of my parlor windows

2) After November 1st, find a new, larger, cheaper place to live, even if it is with roommates, in an environment conducive to writing

3) Create a writing schedule: every day, either x amount of pages or x amount of time spent in front of my computer, in order to train myself that this is actually what I’m doing

4) Eventually get a lighter laptop that will encourage me to bring said computer into the city on my bike so I can write anywhere

5) Search for writing gigs

6) Publish as soon and often as possible so I won’t have to work until 4 AM as often

7) Spend weekends with my family, upstate or in the city

8) See my friends, from work and from my other lives, on a regular basis

9) Hire a personal trainer to help me get back in shape

9) Open myself to the possibility to a long, lasting, good relationship with a man who is emotionally and physically available

Wow, of all of them, number 10 seems the most elusive. It is also one of the things over which I have complete control. Guess I’ll have to work hard on that. Number 9 is already in the works. Don’t know if it is the best financial choice but it is definitely a good one.

The farm is haunted. Tomorrow, back to the city, and back to one of the last shifts I’ll work at my current job. This is going to be the hardest time, I think, committing myself to something, even for a night, to something I’ve already decided to leave behind. I have to believe this is the best choice I’ve made in a long, long time.