Posted October 9th, 2003 by Michelle

I would like to say two things, in lessening degrees of importance:

1) the “L” key on my keyboard no longer works unless I punch it and

2) Never, never will I ever use Fandango.com to purchase anything ever.

I don’t know how many poor saps actually believed what we were told, that Fandango would be selling the much-coveted tickets to Trilogy Tuesday. Trilogy Tuesday, of course, is a once-in-a-lifetime screening of all three Lord of the Rings movies, starting with the extended versions of the first two and then a special early screening of Return of the King. I was told I could buy these tickets online; Fandango didn’t get their shit together and everyone who actually lives in Manhattan busted their butts down to the theatre and sold it out in less than fifty minutes. Oh, the agony. And Fandango? You have wronged me. No more will I count on you, never again.

Single tickets on ebay are nearing $100 each. I curse those people who are looking to make a buck on the backs of those of us who got screwed out of a ticket. Ah, me. All I can do is hope they will have another showing. There are hints of it in the air…

Obviously I have more to worry about in this little life of mine. I just also have a rich fantasy life. And LOTR helps me out in that regard. I would watch Aragorn read the phone book.

I had a day today with my good friend Kellie. That name is terrible when your L doesn’t work. We started by walking to Ozzie’s, and then Prospect Park, then ciabatta and brilliat savarin on the steps of Blue Apron Foods, then a glass of wine at Moutarde’s (me to bartender: can you tell me about the Riesling? Bartender: yeah. It’s eight bucks) and then to the always fabulous al di la for dinner. Barbera and butternut squash ravioli, and the company of a friend who is truly distressed that I’m leaving.

Time spent with Kellie is close to time spent with my family; the only difference is that she likes to talk about our friendship. We’ve both been damaged by friends (and lovers) and so we are both wary of becoming to close to quickly. It’s strange. I could easily sit back and just be happy I have another good friend, but she feels the need to talk about it. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, particularly when she wants to go into detail about what she likes about me.

We talked a great deal about being single. She is 36, I’m 31, but we seem to be in largely the same place: thankful we haven’t chosen the wrong person, thankful that we know ourselves enough to be sure that we simply haven’t met him yet. I have my family, my brothers, my dad, my mom- these are all people I can call if I am ever in need. But ultimately, I am doing this on my own. And I’m thankful for that- I’m 31, I have no regrets about my life, and I can look around and decide what is truly best for me. Some people think there is something wrong with being alone. I feel like, right now, and for some time now, it’s the only honest way for me to live.

I have seen so many people who have been damaged by ugly relationships. All my life I have seen this. My parent’s marriage was not exactly happy, and so when my dad left I was truly confused why my mom was so miserable. I asked Sean about it, and in all of his fifteen-year-old wisdom he said, “Dad was at least someone in bed next to her at night. He was there, even when he wasn’t. The idea of being with someone.” Of course it is far more complicated than that, but I think it also contains seeds of truth. When I was still dating my pathetic alcoholic ex, I would think to myself, “Well, at least I have love. At least that’s covered.”

Now? I don’t know. Do I wish I had romantic love in my life? Sure. Do I wish I had it with anyone I’ve met so far? Hells no. Maybe I’ll end up a spinster but I would rather hold out for someone truly brilliant, someone brave and wise and honest and funny. I will wait rather than compromise. Because until then, I will do what’s best for me. It has taken me years to figure this out, to be able to be good to myself and know that the world is mine. I’m in no rush.