Posted December 5th, 2003 by Michelle

I’m obviously coming a little late to the party, but I just watched “Proof of Life” for the first time. Not a great movie, but not a waste of a couple of hours, even though a) the fight between Meg Ryan and her husband made absolutely no sense and b) I never got any clear sense of Meg Ryan’s character, other than that she was conflicted and that she had the hots for Russell Crowe. Although, I mean, who wouldn’t, but the scene where they finally kiss (sorry if this spoils it for anyone) is the only true moment in the movie.

The most interesting choice in the movie is how they show the progression of the relationship. Naturally there are boring pans of one staring at the other, little eureka moments of lust, but at one point Russell puts down his beer and Meg picks it up to drink it. Then they call for the maid in the same way, at the same time. These little moments of familiarity, of shared life, are so much more true than one person staring at the other without the stared at saying, “What?” In real life, people do not stare longingly at one another. They steal glances, turn their heads when their beloved walks by in hopes of catching the scent of the intended person. If memory serves.

I was offered another position today, working in the wine room in a major store here in the valley. I need to sleep on it, but I do know that it is way too early to leave the job I’ve had for less than two months. It’s flattering, though- the offer came from my reputation alone. Although it might be, in many ways, a perfect job, it would most likely have a much deeper commitment level and at this point, I am truly only committed to getting out of my bed every morning and showing up wherever I’m supposed to be. It’s daunting in the same way that looking for a place to live, signing a year lease scares me. As I’ve been saying since before I moved here, I’m simply not able to commit past tomorrow. I just don’t know.

I had so much fun with my friend Jon this week, and one of the big fat losers from work who spurned my friendship is actually reaching out to me, talking, joking, still allergic to the idea of actually hanging out with me, but at least he’s being super nice when I do see him. These things are good. I’ve started my Christmas shopping, which so far is also good, but I’m terrified to take a peek at my bank account. My stupid cold still plagues me. The dog is barking at the lamp. That’s about how things go around here.