Gray

Posted November 9th, 2004 by Michelle

How is it possible that I woke up a full hour early this morning? Where is the logic in that? I have to be somewhere, somewhere close by, in an hour, to do a presentation for a grant. I am fully dressed, completely ready to walk out the door, I’m as prepared as possible, but I have an hour to go. I should just now be opening my eyes, the deer nudging my face, the bluebirds lifting and flying my hair, soft Disney music in the background, a brilliant spring day dawning out the window.

Instead, I opted against a shower, my soy milk curdled in my flavored coffee, and the day is bleak and gray with promises of the winter ahead. Even my cat is hiding under the bed.

And yet, I have hope. The weeks before the election, and then the week of election, I lost hope in my job as I lost hope in our country to elect the better guy. All weekend I was reconciling myself to moving to a different position, leaving my arts job, abandoning that which I could no longer help. But this week, I have hope. The support is out there, I just need to keep on diggin to find it. We’ve cancelled our fundraiser because not enough people wanted to show, but after making hundreds of calls, I’ve at least found a handful that were interested. They are who I’ll turn to now. If that fails, well, yeah, I’ll have to deal with that then, which actually may be sooner than later, but at least I no longer feel like there are no options. There are still options, and as long as there are options, there is hope.