Wishes

Posted December 24th, 2004 by Michelle

The last five Christmases have begun to blur. Ever since Jordana and Tessa joined the family, the dynamic has shifted; they are a glue that bind us together in new ways, and I sometimes have a hard time distinguishing one year from another, at least since we all moved to New York. I remember our first New York Christmas, at Tessa’s place on 8th Avenue, and I know that we went to Iowa once, and the farmhouse several times, but I’d have a hard time putting everything in chronological order.

I can’t believe how different my life is today than it was a year ago when I climbed into bed to write a blog the night before Christmas. I made a Christmas wish last year- I just now remembered it- but instead, something entirely other came true. I guess I got the thing I most wanted, even if I didn’t know it. I wanted a job that I loved, apparently more than I wanted anything else in my life. I have a lot to be thankful for, not the least of which is that not all of my wishes came true.

This will be the Christmas in Queens without mom. There is a lot of family missing this year, scattered in Texas, Utah, and California, but it is only the second Christmas I’ve not spent with my mom and Ian in 32 years. The other year was a horrid one in Kansas City when I was doing a rotten show that had a matinee on Christmas eve and on the 26th- I just couldn’t get away.

I’m sleeping in my mom’s room in Queens, and on the wall is the Rembrandt that has been in my family since I was a little kid… fittingly enough, it is De Heilige Familie bij avond- The Holy Family at Night. I wonder if the Ghosts of Williams Past will haunt me less when I start a family of my own. But for now, I sleep under a roof with Kent, Melissa, Sean Patrick, Lucas, Sean Charles, and Jordana, and I am thankful that we are all here, that Dad is safe in California, that Steve is happy to be in Utah, that Ian and Tessa and mom and Sandy are together- I am profoundly thankful that we have so much damn family, so many people who love us, that even scattered across the country we are all still with our tribe.