eyeball update

Posted January 23rd, 2006 by Michelle

I had my second of three eye appointments last week in preparation for possibly getting LASIK. I noticed that Mr. Mildly Handsome, my eye doctor, doesn’t smile much. But he did say that my eyes looked great, very healthy from not wearing contacts, and unchanged in any way since our last meeting that would affect my candidacy for surgery. BUT… I had to keep my glasses on and my contacts off, in preparation for tomorrow’s appointment down in Berkeley. This is the big one- a solid hour of testing, including the thickness of my cornea and other appetizing readings. It’s an unfotunate hour away, but depending on the results of this round of tests, I’ll finally be approved (or not) for the surgery. They have three different doctors, who specialize in different types of eyes, and who have varied schedules. So first they will determine if I can get the surgery, then which doctor should do it, and then, if all’s well, we’ll schedule the surgery. All this could happen tomorrow.

I’m really nervous about the surgery, but like anything I put my mind to, the decision has been made and I’ll go forward with it. I’m also not thrilled about the debt it will generate, but somehow I’m totally convinced it’s worth it.

However, they best have availability VERY SOON for the procedure because I think something very, very bad might happen if I have to wear these *#^#$)*%)$ glasses one more day. And of course, you have to be out of contacts for what feels roughly like a lifetime before the surgery, and I’ve lived that lifetime, and I’m THROUGH. If the surgery happens, and it is successful, I am going to have a ritual burning of these lenses.

I’ve felt a strange sort of exhaustion all day, coupled with total distractibility. Are those symptoms of something, or just tiredness and distractedness? And am I making up words? It’s odd- my life has been so full of late, and I guess I’m rather accustomed to at least a little bit of emptiness, and even, maybe, I’m fond of that little bit of emptiness. I’m craving it right now, wanting to almost physically push everyone away from me for just a day so I can breathe and think. Maybe I’ll take myself to the coast this weekend, or something, just to get away. Particularly if I’m going to have my eyeballs sliced open shortly thereafter. Cross your fingers for me, cyber-world, in hopes that my cornea is thick enough.