holding hands with a god
Posted
March 25th, 2008
by Michelle
Sometimes my brand of crazy feels like Lois Lane in the first Superman movie, when Lois does her whole “can you read my mind?” monologue as she and Superman are flying around Manhattan. Sometimes my brand of crazy gets trapped up in being the fittest woman in the world who has never been able to get rid of the extra chub, not in decades. Often my brand of crazy manifests in the deep of the night, when I start awake to a quiet house and can’t quite figure out how this whole house is mine, and why it is so empty. Sometimes my brand of crazy takes hold in the middle of a dinner party (like it did tonight) when I say something so achingly honest and real that everyone else shifts in their seats, and tries to figure out if they want to engage on that level before the ice cream is served. Sometimes my brand of crazy tears at me when I think I have a dream job that might also injure me.
The other night at dinner, I told a friend that I thought I needed a giant to come pick me up and turn me upside down and shake me really hard and then put me back on my feet and then shoo me off, to totally mix up how I’m seeing my life, the world, everything. I’m not entirely sure that that metaphor means- maybe it’s from living in one place for 4 1/2 years, which for me is ages- but I think I do need a change of venue, even if just for my brain.
Thankfully, I’m leaving in the morning for NY, and then on to D.C. for a conference, but it’s not exactly time “away” and I need much more than a week. And instead of packing, I’m playing with my new baby tomato plants and searching for the newest yoga clothes on the internet.
Maybe that is my current brand of crazy, tame as it may be.
Anyhoodle, I’m feeling a little rocked right now, by events both large and small, and I’m really glad that this time tomorrow night, I’ll be sleeping mere feet from mother, brother, sister-in-law, and sweet nephew. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep through the night.