Posted December 11th, 2003 by Michelle

It has become increasingly clear to me, particularly tonight after watching Santa roll through New York City (in the movie “Elf”) that I need to get off my ass. And I don’t mean just *here*, I mean entirely. I’ve oft considered myself completely full of shit, and admitted to it publicly time and time again, but that’s just the first of many steps. I can sit around and think to myself, “Well, I may be full of shit, but at least I admit it” until cows fly but ultimately that is what saddens me about me.

I can’t begin to write about what I want to write about. What is clear to me is who I need near me. I need to be here, right now, and I need to do some of the things I should have been doing for years. But I need to create my environment. I guess, at 31, I’ve finally realized that it is not going to fall in my lap. I also know I can whittle away the hours through play and booze, and believe me, there is something to be said for that, but I’m not going to move any mountains by sitting on my ass and killing valuable brain cells (albeit on terrific Cabernet).

I wish, I dearly wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow. But it’s not the same feeling as I had in New York, dreading to go have my life and artistry sapped from my body as I skillfully served sullen solvent saps superlative slop. It’s that I just realized I’ve had almost two months here, in this land of opportunity. I’ve had a darn good time. It’s time to get cracking.