Posted October 9th, 2003 by Michelle

Yeah well I didn’t call the Peace Corps yesterday. Or today, yet, for that matter. I’ve got seven more days until I actually have to make that call.

I’m living in boxes, again. Moving for the fourth time in three years. Maybe the reason I’m stressed so much is not just the choice between Africa and Napa, but the fact that neither will be immediately easy. In both cases, I have a built-in support group. In both cases I will just need to show up and do my best and they will provide a place to lay my head, even if temporary. By leaving New York I leave the devil I know, leave my friends and brothers and current home. It doesn’t help that fall in its full warm splendor is bursting just outside my windows.

Here’s what it boils down to: in Napa, I could pursue everything I want but one thing. I can work in wine, get back into dance classes. write up a storm, possibly do some theatre. In Africa I would get to fully realize my need to work in service. Napa could lead to more of the other stuff I want; Africa would keep me tucked away for two and a half years working towards only the goal of being of service every day. And, possibly, lead to new things I can’t even see right now.

Ugh. Can’t think about it right now.