Posted August 11th, 2003 by Michelle

I got into bed at 9 PM last night and fell asleep reading before 10. I woke this morning to my mom’s phone call at 10:11 AM. My level of exhaustion is obvious; what is telling is my ability to sleep that much when I’m as distracted as I am. It’s been about, oh, ten years since I was this distracted, and then I would lie awake nights, obsessing and tossing and turning. I like to think it’s a sign of age and maturity that I am fully aware that I need sleep to make anything good happen in my life.

I’m covered in scratches, bites, and bruises, not unlike I used to be when I was dancing in a show. The mosquitoes got me on the hill during a night of stargazing, the bruises from a bad fall just as the reception began… and from the softball game… and the cuts and scratches are from dancing all night. My shoes for the wedding hurt the moment I put them on, but a few glasses of wine and I was swing dancing all night. Oh, what fun.

It’s amazing the perspective just a few hours can give you. I was so incredibly emotional and distraught this morning, sad that the wedding was over and that the camaraderie I found might be gone, but tonight I’m considerably better. I saw Kent, Lucas and Sean Patrick in the city before they left, and we saw Pirates of the Carribean again, which will put any red-blooded American girl in better spirits.

Ian and Tessa are gone on their honeymoon, mom might be leaving tomorrow, Kent and fam and my dad are long gone… I feel so lost and so blessed at the same time to have the family I do. One of the things that’s always baffled me about the posity of good men in my life, that is, outside my family, is how much I have to offer them by way of family. I have a few other good things to offer as well, but I also have my family who, if he’s a good guy, will love him dearly forever. I have time in Napa with my Dad and Carole to offer. drinking wine, talking into the night, loving and discovering life with them. I have a life full of my mom’s mess and magic and music, her absurdity and generousity and willingness to adopt those who love her kids, her talent and goodness and orange rolls. I have four brothers, all of them brilliant and brave, none of them willing to put up with a schmuck. And, well, me. There’s me. I’ve got that too. But I guess it would have to be a pretty incredible, transcendent, wonder-full guy who could fit into this clan. I wonder if he’s out there.