Posted May 5th, 2003 by Michelle

Good god, I haven’t written in five days? That’s absurd. It’s been a particularly harrowing few days but… well, I guess I shouldn’t be hard on myself when I realize that I actually have a job, and full time job that eats up hours of my life. I would love to have the luxury of spending part of each day writing but it is simply not in the cards, not in my life right now.

I am just getting off two doubles in a row- a “quad” in restaurant terms- which means I was at work from 10 AM to 1 AM yesterday, went back at 10 AM today, and just got home- 1:30 AM. Nothing terribly interesting happend on either of these days, other than watching myself work through exhaustion, which serves to remind me of something I tend to forget: I don’t mind being exhausted, what matters is the work that got me there. I never minded rehearsing from 10 to 10. I relished in sixteen hour days if they involved Red Cross work and EMT class. What I do mind is those same sixteen hours whittled away in a restaurant where I’ve achieved nothing but making some cash.

Sometimes I wonder, do I really want to run off to some place where people are truly suffering? Do I really want to go weeks without a shower or computer? Would I really be as at home with people who make $50 a year as opposed to those who spend $50 on a week at Starbucks? I question myself, honestly, brutally, and frankly, the answer is a yes, yes, a resounding YES. However, I have yet to find the company who is going to place me where I am going to do the most good. I’ve researched several organizations and all of them have one downfall or another (Habitat for Humanity? I would have to spread the gospel- YUCK!- CARE? I’d have to come up with several thousands dollars to spend a few weeks in Africa). So until I find the right people, I will wait tables, audition, and search for my future.

Meanwhile, I’m going to bed.