Posted October 22nd, 2003 by Michelle

My apartment is empty and clean. It always bothers me that I will clean more thouroughly for strangers than I will for myself. I like this place empty; it feels as though it was too cluttered the whole time I lived here. Of course I had an ailing cat, whose cage was larger than anything but my bed, but I think I also just tried to fit too much stuff in here. It’s such a beautiful space, regardless of the absurd rent. If this place were about $500 a month, I’d say it was perfect.

All last winter, I froze. The heat in this building was never high enough to be comfortable, and every night I slept not just under two quilts but often also had a wool coat or two thrown over the top. Tonight? My last night in this space? Well, our landlord has graced us with his presence and now my room is so hot the windows are wide open.

Today I saw some of the friends I’m really going to miss, and missed some friends who I was supposed to see. It was a hectic day. But tonight, with Mac, Jordi, Mike J., Jon F., “Tess”, and Seth, I saw a play that Jordana wrote (terrific) and another play where Sean was brilliant- too brilliant to be doing anything other than, well, stuff the quality of Mr. Mac Rogers. It was terrific to have so many Virtual Cribbers (a years-old email list) in one place.

I saw Ian for a few minutes today when I loaded yet another box (and a borrowed TV) into the Land Rover. He was headed upstate to unload the boxes, quite literally in a snow storm and all by himself. Sean came by to pick up a case and a half of wine and about a hundred pounds of food. And then dinner after the show, with everyone above, but most importantly with Sean, Jordi, and Tessa, who with Ian have become a family so dear to me I can barely leave them. On the way home, I tried to tell Tessa how important she is to me, for a hundred reasons, how happy I am to know her, and to know she loves my brother, and how thankful I am to have her in my life. I also told her that Ian has become one of the most willing and giving people I know, that he wants to be the guy that comes through in a jam, and that the orbit of people who surround him are a testament to the kind of guy he is. He is the guy who brings people together.

But my goodbye with Sean and Jordana was short. Sean is the best actor I know. With the best wife-to-be I know. He will always come through even if it is a royal pain in the ass. He will always treat you like you are worth it. He will always welcome you. And Jordana, god, I can barely begin. She has embraced me, been good to me on a level that far exceeds family duty, and she’s not even officially family yet. I trust that Sean will be okay, and most of the time amused, if she sticks around. She is also one of the best actors I know. I can’t believe how lucky he is. I can’t believe how lucky I am.

The best, most interesting, most funny and kind, most talented and most fascinating people I’ve met have been through this lucky foursome I call my New York family. Chip, Mac, Scott, James, Lori, Jon, Kellie, Salem, Rick… there are a hundred more. These names may mean nothing to most of you but they mean the world to me. These people and their families, and their friends have made a lasting impression on me of the kind of people I want in my life. I can call them my friends only because my brothers and sisters called them friends first, and I am so thankful, so ridiculously grateful.

And now I’m off to do a final 1 AM cleaning, a final trying to shove everything in my mountain of a bag. (Which reminds me- I promise not to tell anymore dorky stories like the one from yesterday about the novice photographer. I mean, you can’t take me seriously if I do.) In six hours I will say a final goodbye to this apartment, and my time in New York, and though I know I’ll be back, it won’t be until I have a damn good reason to return.