Posted December 20th, 2003 by Michelle

Yesterday was a strange, strange day. I got a lot of unexpected news, and processing the information now, as opposed to just about any time in the past, is a learning experience. The things I don’t know about my heart.

Once piece of news, the one I will share, is that a friend from my EMT class is separated from his wife. This sort of knocked me over when he told me about it, since there was a time that he was the only man I wanted around. Our was a close but chaste friendship, tons of fun, but as the weeks went by I knew I was getting a little addicted to his company. I was incapable of falling in love, and thank ye gods for that since, at the time, he was engaged, but I was quite capable of falling in like, and I did so, deeply. The class we were taking together ended, he got married, I ran away to the woods for the summer, and I got over it. And I remembered him fondly, and looked forward to our random drinks and games of pool over the past year. And now, to come home, and to hear this news.

Mostly it makes me sad. Any news of two people who really tried to make it work, and were unsuccessful in that effort, makes me sad. I hope that such breakups are mutual, and I know that when they happen, the two involved will only be better off, but knowing that intellectually while your heart is shattered is not much help. I also know that my friend and his wife might work it out, in fact, I believe they will. (This is only my instinct on the matter, not based on any actual facts.)

What I truly hope is that all these people, all these aching hearts, will find themselves if not happier, more at peace. I’ve been single for almost three years now, three years on Valentine’s Day. Even though, on that fatefull day in the year 2000, I was whole-scale abandoned, destroyed, fucked over, I knew every second of every wretched post-breakup day that I was far, far better off. I know I bear my soul on this blog probably a little more than I ought. All of my loyal readers know what I’ve lived this last year. I regret nothing. I certainly don’t regret writing about everything from my love(less) life to my butt issues. Ultimately, though, I’m doing fine. I’m doing just fine. And I know all of my friends going through all of this tough stuff will be just fine, too.