Posted March 18th, 2004 by Michelle

It has been an absolutely tumultuous week. It’s bothersome that I can’t write about all of it because eventually I will be discovered. It is bound to happen. But what I can divulge is my thoughts about joining Peace Corps. I’ve all but decided to do it. Every conversation I have makes me incrementally more sure that it is what I want to do. I had dinner last night with Carole and another couple who went to Peace Corps ten years ago- when they were in their very early 40’s. They sold their house, business, and cars, and packed up to go to South America. Their story is certainly unique, as is every story from folks who make this ridiculous choice. They also had electricity and running water and privacy- things I will certainly not have. But then they came home and utterly reinvented themselves. They decided where they wanted to live and what they wanted to do and then they made it happen. Pretty incredible.

I still have doubts, certainly, and I feel no pressure for this to be arbitrary. If I get on that plane to Mauritania, it will be because it is exactly what I want to do, not because I’ve simply decided to do it. But the thought of waking up every morning there and working every day there and meeting people I never would have met and putting my hands in the African dirt… and no, I am not romanticizing it. I am well aware of: AIDS, malaria, a hole in the ground for a toilet, no electricity, pulling water from a well to wash, no friends or family, no choices but to do what it is I’m supposed to do that day. I am pretty sure I’ll get pretty sick. Almost everyone does. Pretty sure I’ll be lonely and scared and sad and exhausted. Pretty sure I’ll have days when I think of that Saturday in the sunshine with my friends by my dad’s pool overlooking the Napa Valley and I’ll wonder what the hell I’m doing in Mauritania. But the call to go is so multi-faceted, so strong, so exciting, so deep down right and good that I have to follow it. I have to go to Africa, even.

So in the meantime? Before I have to make that decision to step on that plane? I live here and make the best of it. And, I mean, clearly there is a lot of “best” to make. And I’d like to take a week and not think or talk about Peace Corps. I need to get away from it in my head or I’ll never see clearly to make the right choice.