Posted April 22nd, 2004 by Michelle

Today I learned of three terrible car accidents in Napa, California. Two involved deaths, and one involved my baker. My sweet baker, who is seemingly stalked by tragedy, but who luckily walked away from his car which, after the fact, was several feet shorter than it was supposed to be. He and another car got smashed by a huge truck that didn’t feel like waiting for him to make a turn. The other two drivers involved in the crash had to be removed by the Jaws of Life. It’s just overwhelming, what could have happened.

If he had left work three minutes later, or three minutes earlier, it would not have happened. If there had been a car in the incoming lane when he was smacked across the road, he could have been badly, badly hurt. “Ifs” mean exactly nothing, but ifs are the choices we didn’t make that sometimes swirl around my brain when huge things happen. If I hadn’t decided to move to Napa. If I hadn’t taken the class which led to the job which led to my meeting the baker which led to him calling to tell me he was in a horrible accident. Sometimes I daydream in alternate realities, or in this case, shudder, when I think of different outcomes, a changed ending.

One thing I know is that I’ve been making good choices lately. I’ve surrounded myself with great friends, positioned myself for sucess in a growing industry, I’ve not pressured myself to *do* whatever it is I think I *should* be doing, and I’m deepening family relationships that are very important to me. I’m also hanging out with a totally decent guy. But I’ve made that left turn, the one my baker was taking to go home, many times, and there is simply no choice in the matter when a truck decides to pulverize you from behind. It reminds me that all I can do is try to keep my side of the street clean, so to speak. It also reminds me to not be afraid, because fear does not influence whether or not that truck is barelling towards me. More than anything, it just sucks. And sucks for him to be on his own when such a horrible thing happens.