Posted April 3rd, 2004 by Michelle

My crew went on a hike today. At least, that was the plan. Last night we invited an outsider to join us and she declined, saying she had plans for her morning. Today I found out that her plans were to sit in her garden and read. God, I thought, what a perfect plan.

We had a great day, however. After breakfast in Calistoga, and a couple of hours climbing the mountains in our cars, we found a trailhead leading into a redwood forest. We followed the trail for as long as we could, and then starting hiking up a trickling waterfall. I was leading, following nothing more than a faint deer path, when Matthew took over and led us up and over the mountain. It was such great fun. We slid down steep rocky slopes, swung from the small trees to keep from completely losing purchase, and satisfactorily scratched up our legs and arms. I love the air of the forest. But it also always makes me sad.

We drove another hour to the coast and ate fried everything in a pub in Mendocino. There was a basketball game on and everyone there was rooting for “anyone but Dook”. The marine layer was thick, and the wind cold, but it made the beer taste even better.

When I’m with my friends, my incessant soul-searching takes a welcome back burner, but the minute I’m alone, which is so rare these days, it envelopes me, turns me around in my chair and faces me head-on. I need to be better about giving myself time. I’m pressuring myself too much to figure out what it is I want to do. All I know is that I live in paradise, that Eden is but a two-hour drive west. It may seem trite or corny, but a walk through 300-year-old trees and a drive down the California coast still reminds me how small I am.