Posted June 18th, 2004 by Michelle

It’s a go!

I’ve accepted a new job, about which I cannot now and possibly may never be able to talk specifically, but suffice to say that it is very exciting and I cannot wait to begin. I have two more weeks, starting today, at my current place of business, and those weeks are going to be challenging in all sorts of ways. First and foremost, I coordinate the classes where I work, and there are no classes to coordinate for three weeks. So basically I get to watch paint dry and look like I’m busy. Fun, fun, fun. After the 4th of July weekend, I will officially dive into my new job. As the days progress, I’ll feel out what I can make public, but the job itself is exceedingly high-profile so I’ll do my best to keep my big mouth shut.

Quitting a job is a hard thing to do. You think that you’ve got the best possible words and timing, but something ALWAYS goes wrong. When I quit my job at a winery earlier this year, I had already planned a trip out east that was approved and my shifts were covered. I gave two weeks and was gone for most of them, but wasn’t scheduled anyway, but then when I got home the winery asked me to work an extra weekend which I couldn’t because I was already starting the new job. Which pissed off everyone at the winery. Clearly not the best timing, but I thought my bases were covered. And now, I made the mistake of telling my boss’s boss first, because my boss (as usual) was out of town, so she didn’t even get to hear it from me. She thought I’d chosen to go behind her back, and she is a very defensive, suspicious creature, so I’ve had to deal with her hurt feelings all morning. But I wanted to give proper notice; I did not plan for her to be gone the day I had to tell this company that I’m leaving.

All in all, though, my three bosses have been very supportive and excited for me. My direct boss is not entirely surprised, because she knows what an ugly uphill battle this institution is. I think I will be able to keep good relations with the other higher-ups as well- when they heard what I will be doing, they understood completely and were very disappointed to lose me but happy for my new opportunity.

So that’s that. In other news…

I’ve been following all the articles on BBC news about the genocide in Rwanda. I’ve actually been reading about it and studying it for years, because when it was happening, I knew nothing about it. In 1994 I was ensconced in my Musical Theatre BFA program, heedless and careless of what was going on not just outside my country, but outside my college. Which is strange considering how politically active I’d been the years prior. But I knew nothing- I’d never heard of Tutsis or Hutus and maybe, just maybe didn’t even know the meaning of the word “genocide”. (Interestingly, that very meaning is the one Clinton skirted around for dismally long.) Historians say it is one of the worst events of the 20th century, along with the Holocaust.

Sometimes it seems as though I can’t absorb all of the evils of the world- I have to pick and choose which ones I can deal with in any given period of time. I know as much about the Holocaust as the next person, which is to say, not that much. I visited Dachau in southern Germany, I’ve read as many articles and books as I’ve been able (including the incredible Maus comics), but there is only so far I can go, so much I can explore in that chapter of history. However, the events in Rwanda have captivated me. This is something that happened in my lifetime, when I was an adult. Not knowing about it happening at the time may have fueled my gentle obsession, but regardless, it’s something I’ve had to look at close up. I’ve not shied away from one picture or one fact, and god knows if you want to know all the gruesome, horrific details of what happened, the information is out there.

I guess it’s just the question of what can make a man take up a machete and drive it into the heads of his neighbor’s children. Clearly there was a group-think conceived in hatred happening, a horrible join-or-be-killed ideology, but there also was so much more, so much violent hatred, so much blame, but also so much I will never, ever, ever understand. I suppose if I can understand abandoning people you love, or the capability to hit or in any way abuse people you love, I could extrapolate that to even more violent behavior. And I know that there is a way, somehow, to make other people seem less human. The forefathers of this country succeeded swimmingly in that pursuit. But somehow I just can’t let it go, can’t stop reading and learning about it. Especially now, when the things that we thought would never happen on US soil, or to Americans, have come to pass.

Regarding the apparent execution of Paul M. Johnson Jr., our President Bush said, “America will not be intimidated by these kinds of extremist thugs.”

Well, Mr. President, I’m intimidated. I’m certainly intimidated by that kind of anger and hatred. But I think that as a man and a president, I’m just as terrified of what you’ve done.