Ouch

Posted September 24th, 2004 by Michelle

I got hit by a truck and then kicked while I was down yesterday, so what did I do? The only mature thing: drank myself into a stupor and fell asleep at the movies. Perfect.

I have some issues with my board. Or my board has some issues with me. There has been an undercurrent of divisiveness of late and it bloomed in the past few days like a joy-eating carnivorous spiky evil wood plant. I spent hours, hours on the phone yesterday, head on my desk, free arm dangling to the ground, trying to teach old, old dogs not just new tricks, but basic stuff like not peeing on the carpet or eating off the dinner table. These dogs don’t want to hear it. At one point yesterday, my boss and I reminded each other that we are but consultants, and can cut and run if these people are so determined to be dysfunctional. It was rough stuff.

But I’m back, a little late this morning, with a foggy head and blurry eyes and wondering how it was that I was shooting pool with strangers at some point last night. Hangovers are so specific, so detailed in their perfect fuzz and dull pain. I’m not sure if it was the booze, the lack of sleep, or the beating I took yesterday that is slowing me down today, but this morning I’m having a little trouble figuring out what it is I do for a living. Strange, how soft everything looks, like I can’t believe that my coffee cup isn’t folding gently into the panels of the desk. Or, wait, I’m just wishing my desk was a pillow.

Do you think that love hits you over the head, or do you think it eventually develops? Do you think it’s possible that the physical will almost always get in the way of the emotional? I just don’t know the answers anymore. I’ve seen people fall in love when it seemed impossible; I’ve thought I felt love but then a month later couldn’t remember why. I suppose, at a certain point, you have to be careful, methodical, and slow, but I’ve never been those things in this context. But doing it wrong differently seems so much more appealing now.

There is always time, if you want there to be. Yes, I’m wrapped up in work, yes, it’s the middle of harvest and everyone around the valley is working sixteen hour days. But there is always time. Speaking of which, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELIZABETH!!!! All you single men out there, you have totally missed the boat because one of the coolest, most elegant, funny, silly, HOT HOT HOT women in the world is madly in love already. Ya’ll should have jumped when ya had the chance. Many big wishes for a wonderful year, my good friend. Awfully glad you moved here.

And now back to my desk, the cool, cool, inviting plywood, the smooth, soft pages of the notepad, how I long to lay my head and end this day…