September 19th

So let’s be clear.  I had a very smooth first trimester.  I was bone-tired most of the time, to the point of often being non-functional, but aside from doctor visits and my CVS, I never missed an hour of work.  My boobs have ached since the day after my birthday, when I was only a couple of weeks pregnant and didn’t even know it yet, and that pain has gotten progressively worse.  And there were a couple of weeks that I felt nauseous a few times a day.  The last few weeks of my first trimester, I even started to get my energy back for large portions of the day.  But that’s it.  I never actually threw up and was spared the myriad of other symptoms so carefully catalogued in all of the books and websites.

But these same books and websites promised a shift during the second trimester.  I’m now three weeks into my second trimester and suddenly it’s as if the Wrath of Pregnancy has hit.  I’m back to being utterly exhausted, almost falling asleep at my desk, foggy as hell, PLUS, worse acne than I ever had as a teenager, heartburn bad enough to make me step out of meetings in hope that my chest won’t actually explode, headaches that leave me dizzy, and vivid, horrible nightmares that wake me up three times a night, at least.  And I won’t mention just how many trips I have to make to the bathroom.  EACH.  HOUR.

Honestly, I could be in one of those Clearasil commercials from the 90’s when they mocked the constellations of acne on the faces of sad teenagers.  Oh, and did I mention that my uterus aches all day, every day?  Actually, this last symptom has been less bad these last few days, but I think it’s because I’ve been so distracted by everything else.

And yet… and yet, we look at my belly, and imagine our baby boy flexing his fingers and rolling around in his little amniotic pool.  We are designing what the nursery will look like, and talking about what our lives might be like come next March.  I took a walk today, and within seven minutes of leaving my front door, was staring at the wide, wide Pacific Ocean where two days ago, we watched a least a dozen dolphins frolic with diving pelicans and barking sea lions.  And I couldn’t believe that I’m a wife, and a mother-to-be, and living in Santa Cruz, and married to the kindest, smartest, most loving man on the planet.  My life is a series of blessings.  So I welcome the zits and the heartburn and the exhaustion and even the nightmares, because my waking life is actually so damn great.